Multisport Life
Top 10 Ways to Interact with Roadies
With the 2007 Tour de France in full swing, I felt it would be appropriate to share some tips on how to deal with roadies…those purebred cyclists who live for road racing and can tell you to the half-gram how much their bike weighs.
From time to time, we multisport cyclists will share the road, or join in a group ride, with these Spandex Cowboys (as Kahuna likes to call them). When I’m out on a solo training ride, it’s easy to tell a triathlete cyclist from a pure road cyclist. The triathlete will say “good morning” or pull up alongside to chat for a few seconds. You are invisible to a roadie. For some reason, roadies and triathletes have a long history of not playing well together. This should really not come as much of a surprise. In their ongoing efforts to shed weight, roadies have jettisoned their sense of humor which recent studies have shown to weigh about 20-25 grams.
Top 10 Ways to Interact with Roadies
- Recognize you are inferior. Acknowledge that you, as a triathlete, have no bike handling skills and are not worthy to share the road with a “real” cyclist.
- Revel in their single sport abilities. Don’t tell them that “Specialization is for insects.” While you may be tempted to utter that line from the sci-fi author Robert Heinlein when the triathlete barbs come out, try and show some restraint. Of course you can think it to yourself for the duration of the group ride.
- Know a handful of Tour de France riders. This is like the secret handshake that allows you into the inner fray. For example, “Yeah, that Boonen sure pulled an amazing sprint the other day”…or “Did Vinokourov have some guts or what after that crash?” If you don’t know anyone, just mumble some Italian-sounding names and you’re good to go.
- Sit on your top tube when you’re at a stop. This is the ultimate in coolness.
- Recover after rides. After a two-hour group ride, don’t do a quick-change into your running shoes and knock off a 5K or 10K. Go join the gang for a recovery latte at Starbucks and talk about pro riders.
- Accept that you are on your own. No self-respecting roadie will chat with you during a ride or stop to help you should you get a flat. You’re on your own weakling.
- Learn to curl your lip. A sneer is the roadie way of saying hello. There is no “Lookin’ good!” or “Great job!” exchanged between roadies. The more you can curl your lip, the cooler you are.
- Recognize your unworthiness. If you frequent a roadie-centric bike shop, be prepared to not have anyone be polite to you…unless you drop some serious coinage…like buying a full carbon bike and a couple sets of Zipp wheels.
- Keep a straight face when you see a roadie’s T-Rex arms. All they need are a pair of legs and lungs and they’re good to go. Arms are just for keeping the bike moving in a straight line.
- Refrain from telling them that this year’s Tour winner has a long history of kicking doper ass. Never, ever…not in a million years…tell them that Chuck Norris has taken up cycling and is entering the Tour this week. After delivering one roundhouse kick to flatten the Alps, he will win the 2007 Tour de France because he only has two speeds: Fast and Kill.
Find your edge and dance upon it.
hak
Discussion
4 comments for “Top 10 Ways to Interact with Roadies”
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Very amusing - and has a ring of truth about it. I followed this roadie one day for a klick or two at the end of my ride and then pulled along side of him at the traffic lights to exchange pleasantries. Man, was I disappointed. Everything I said in our one minute chat was greeted with a curled lip and a negative remark especially when he spotted the IMC sticker on my stem.
Of course the aero bars were a giveaway - I had ‘em, he didn’t.
I just shook my head and watched him disappear. I won’t be joining any roadie group rides anytime soon,
which probably suits them just fine.
heh.
PoC
p.s. Heinlein actually said “Specialization is for insects” not specificity. It was in a list in his book “Farnham’s Freehold.” You should be more “specific” when quoting.
Thanks for the correction! It’s been fixed.
hak
Noble Hak,
now, now…are we not, as yogis, trying to overcome - not inflate - differences between athletes and all other Beings?
however, your penchant for sarcastic humor is worth a smile!
i would just like to go on record, as a veteran of many a peleton in several states and levels, that i and more than a few other ‘roadies’ would certainly say “hello” to you on the road and MAYBE even NOD to you! depends on how elegant your form is and how tan your legs…
oh, and about #4; the ultimate in traffic stoplight coolness is to trackstand your bike without so much a ripple in conversational flow…
om so ti
coach ilg
I like these and can really relate to No. 5. Been there and all looked at like I was crazy.