Race Reports

Race Report: Third Annual Mutts ‘n Masters 5K

Amanda and I first tackled the Mutts ‘n Masters 5K by accident two years ago. We were aiming for the 1 mile fun run, but since the turn-around point was not marked, nor were there any volunteers placed there, we kept going and ended up doing the 5K. At the time, I was dancing with an ongoing issue with my left Soleus repeatedly tearing (now fixed thanks to A.R.T. and daily stretching), so we were doing more walking than running. In fact, we were so slow that my wife was getting ready to send someone out to look for us…an indicator as to how the rest of my first season of racing would turn out.

We missed the race last year and came back fitter and stronger this year. Well, two of us at least, but more on that later.

They had a nice turn-out this time, but horrible organization. Honest to shit, there were only a half dozen people at the registration table and it took me 15 minutes to get my race number. I had to go to the opposite end of the table to pick up our timing chips, then go back again to the first lady and give her our race numbers. Very inefficient set up.

The race started late because people were still trying to get through the registration fiasco. Amanda, Max (the dog), and I were seeded in the second row at the starting line. Once the horn blew, we took off at a comfortable 9:00-ish pace. While we were treating this as a fun training run for her upcoming junior triathlon (held by race director extraordinaire Frank Lowery of Silverman fame), we still wanted to put in a respectable time.

Once you get a bunch of people running with dogs in a group. You’re bound to have some entertainment. Within the first 30 seconds, a woman and her dog decided to part ways. She stayed on the road while the dog decided to go off course and whiz on a tree…ending up with both of them wrapped around a pole. About two minutes later, this asswipe who had two Miniature Schnauzers on retractable leashes let all of the way out, almost got the left toe of my Brooks stomped on his dog’s neck and the toe of my right Brooks planted squarely in his nut sack. His dogs were a good 10 feet in front of him running zig-zags. One made a beeline for Max and started nipping at him. During the ensuing melee between Max and Little Turd, Little Turd’s thin nylon leash got wrapped around Amanda’s ankle leaving her a nice burn mark.

Lesson: If you can’t keep your dogs under control and at heel, get off the fucking course.

Our strategy was to take a 30-second walk break every five minutes until we got to the turn-around. After that, we would push it straight through to the finish. However, I wanted to put some distance between us and Asswipe and the Little Turds, so we kept going.

The rest of the run was uneventful until we made the turn-around. At that point, we were still holding a 8:45-9:00/mile pace and feeling good. I noticed the leash was getting slacker and slacker and Max was falling behind. My four-year-old lab was feeling the effects of his life as a lounge lizard. We started to slow down a bit to an 11:00/mile pace and then, threw in a couple of one minute walk breaks to let Max catch his breath. My plan of breaking the tape in 30-minutes was gone.

Such is life.

What blew me away, however, was that we saw two people cheat on the course and take shortcuts. They weren’t even in contention for anything and they had the gall to cheat. Of course, being a dad, this was a great opportunity for me to talk to Amanda about integrity.

“Amanda…that guy that ran up the side hill and knocked off 300 meters from the course…he cheated, right?”

“Yes,” she huffed.

“He has no integrity. If he cheats at this, what else is he dishonest about? Would you give him your wallet to hold while you’re out running?”

“Heck no!”

“The only thing you truly have in life is your integrity and you’d better protect with everything you’ve got. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.”

As we neared the finish line, we had the other cheater in our sights. Even with cramps on both sides at this point, Amanda dug deep and wanted to make sure that integrity won the day. We sped up, passed her and kept going, crossing the finish line in a smidge over 35 minutes.

It never ceases to amaze what lesssons life can teach you. Even during a low key local 5K.

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